The SpreadShirt™

AN HONEST NOTE BEFORE YOU SCROLL

Look, I'm just going to tell you the truth.

I didn't expect this shirt to blow up.

I didn't expect people to actually wear it.

But here we are. Hundreds of husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, bosses, and excel junkies of all shapes and sizes running around tormenting the people in their lives with this absurdly amazing shirt.

But alas, I never sought out to lead spreadshirt culture. I'm hanging up my cape for good.

So this is the final run, the closing sale, and probably the last time this strange creation ever sees daylight.

If you want one, now's when you grab it.

After this, we're done.

— Dave
Founder

WHY THIS SHIRT EXISTS (AND WHY I'M ENDING IT)

Originally, this wasn't meant to be a "product."

It was a joke. A bit. Something we made to poke fun at the people who treat Excel like a second language.

Then people wanted it — a lot of people.

Data analysts. Developers. Finance geeks. Spreadsheet fanatics.

They weren't buying it ironically.

They were buying it sincerely.

And suddenly, we had a real business built on something we never intended to scale.

So instead of pretending this is anything other than what it is, let's be straight:

This is the last batch.

After this, we're done.

WHAT MAKES IT SPECIAL (EVEN IF IT SHOULDN'T BE)

If you wear this shirt, people will react to you differently.

Not because it's "cute."

Not because it's "quirky."

But because it's accurate.

Every toolbar. Every dropdown. Every font selector and alignment button—down to the last icon—has been reproduced with the kind of precision usually reserved for aircraft manuals.

It's the closest thing to wearable Excel that exists without Microsoft suing somebody.

And the formulas bar actually updates when you move.

(Just kidding. But people will squint to check.)

WHO THIS SHIRT IS ACTUALLY FOR

Not everybody.

Not even most people.

It's for the one who:

• Builds a pivot table before breakfast
• Gets physically irritated by merged cells
• Thinks in formulas
• Knows they're "the spreadsheet person" in their friend group
• Secretly enjoys it when people ask them for VLOOKUP help
• Would wear this to work unironically

If that's you — this is your shirt.

If that's who you're buying for — they'll know immediately.

WHY IT'S $39.95 

Here's the deal:

I'm liquidating inventory.

This wasn't supposed to be a real business. It was supposed to be a joke that sold 50 units and disappeared.

Instead, hundreds of people bought it.

And theres thousands of shirts left in a storage unit, and a guy named Derek who keeps asking questions I can't answer. (Derek charges me $340 / month to store these shirts)

So I'm doing what any rational person would do: slashing pricing to move units fast.

Get one, or knock yourself out with 2

• One for you
• One for your most unhinged coworker
• Or two for yourself because you rotate your wardrobe like a psychopath

Either way, you're helping me shut this down before my business partner will Kevin stops ignoring my calls

$39.95, Final pricing.

After this batch sells out, it doesn't matter anymore because there won't be any left.

DETAILS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER

Material:

• Lightweight, breathable Hawaiian shirt fabric
• Doesn't fade or blur (the spreadsheet stays crisp)
• Sharp button-down detail (because hideousness deserves precision)

Print Quality:

• Crisp print that doesn't fade
• Every toolbar, every icon — reproduced exactly
• People will literally squint at your chest trying to read the formulas

Fit:

• Comfortable enough for vacation
• Clean enough for meetings
• Absurd enough that people will ask questions you can't answer

Care Instructions:

• Machine wash cold
• Tumble dry low
• Try not to think too hard about what you've become

This wasn't made to be silly.

That's why people keep it longer than they expected to.

WHY THIS IS THE FINAL RUN

Because running this product turned into its own strange ecosystem.

The kind of thing that grows legs if you let it.

And we're not building a clothing line for spreadsheet addicts.

We made the shirt.

The internet ran with it.

And now we're closing the chapter cleanly.

So this is the final inventory...

the final discount...

and the last time this page will look like this.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET ONE... DON'T WAIT

You already know how this stuff works.

When a weird, niche product hits a certain meme threshold, it disappears forever.

Then people message months later asking where to find it.

By then, it's gone.

So if you want the last run of the infamous SpreadShirt™... now's the time to take it.

Add it to your cart before someone else buys your size.

The closing sale ends with the inventory.

This is it.

No more batches after this.

No restocks.

No "by popular demand" comeback tour.

Help me close this down so I can move on with my life and discuss literally anything else in therapy.

P.S. If you're Kevin and you're reading this... I'm sorry. Please call me back.

P.P.S. If you're Derek... the check is in the mail.

FAQS

Is this really the last run?

Yes. I'm shutting this down. Kevin won't talk to me. Derek wants his money. My therapist has concerns. It ends here.

Do you ship internationally?

Yes, but I can't promise how customs will react when they see what's in the box.

What if it doesn't fit?

All sales final. If you're buying a shirt covered in Excel ribbons, you knew what you were signing up for. 

Will you ever restock this?

No. This is the final batch. After this sells out, the SpreadShirt is retired permanently.

Why are you really ending this?

Because someone wore it to a wedding and I can't be complicit in whatever this has become.